"My topic is 'How To Give A Presentation Without Losing Your Audience's Attention'. The End. Thank you for coming."
"I'd like to go into politics when I grow up. When are we going to learn some fuzzy math?"
"All the charm and majesty of a tropical rainforest. That sounds better than saying the roof leaks!"
"There's even an app that gives you a foot massage! Just set your ringer to 'vibrate' and stick it in…
"Cancel all staff meetings for the foreseeable future. Nobody wants to talk about anything but Honey Boo Boo!"
"To leave a message, press 1. To verify that you pressed 1, press 2. To verify you pressed 2, press…
"If you're going to yell at me, press 1. If you're going to ask me a lot of stupid questions,…
"They gave you 17 sesame seeds on your bun and I only got 16!"
"Peanut butter and jelly are completely different but they've been together forever. If they can do it, so can you!"…
"My boss really screwed up today. He accidentally made me feel valued and respected."
"We used up all of our retirement money. First our car retired then our furnace retired, then our dishwasher…
"This phone has a special voice filter. It makes you sound honest when you discuss business, sincere when you…
"I hired a District Sales Manager, Senior Sales Manager, Regional Sales Manager, National Sales Manager, Vice Senior Sales Manager,…
"I don't know how you got my number up here, but I do not need any afterlife insurance!"
"I respect that you're a vegetarian, but I can't authorize using an artichoke hear for your transplant."
Coffee breaks are a very important part of the work culture and provide employees with an excellent way to bond.…
"I didn't know I was pregnant. My office is such a stressful place to work, everyone feels nauseous in…
"Our office coffee machine makes 50 different flavours. That counts as workplace diversity, doesn't it?"
"It takes about 15 cups of coffee to make me feel creative. Thinking outside of the box is easy…